


HIVESTUCK

by gogollescent



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-25
Updated: 2011-04-25
Packaged: 2017-10-18 15:35:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gogollescent/pseuds/gogollescent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Take two at the revenge cycle as it might have unfolded for the kids. Still incomplete! In fact even less complete than before. But now illustrated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HIVESTUCK

**Your name is Devata Iden, and you are about to die.**

 **It is your good bro Nohnsi's fifth wriggling night. This night is falling exactly one sweep before the night on which your world is scheduled to end, but you are, at present, blissfully unconscious of its symbolic weight both as an anniversary and an antiversary. Or maybe that should be an anreversary.**

 **It is actually a little unfortunate that you have no fucking idea of what you are really lamenting on this occasion, because you would be far better than the author at inventing an appropriately ailing and assonant mash of related words to apply to this strange and fateful eve. But we will persevere without your assistance.**

 **We will have to.**

 **What will you do?**

 **  
>Devata: Extract campaign.   
**

**  
It is six in the evening, and you are still shaking slime off your single horn. But then you are willing to go to great lengths to secure an advantage over your opponents, TEAM CAGE. If activating your FLARP grub while a wash of deadly sunlight still lightens the lowermost edge of the sky will get you an edge, any edge, then that's what you've got to do.**

 **You try not to watch that sleek and impudently tapered rump pass its ovular load, though. Shit's nasty. Your lusus watches with interest but that's because he's a fucking birdbrain.**

 **You hope.**

 **Time to berate Nohnsi for having prolonged his miserable existence for another sweep. You sit down at your computer, your mind wholly devoid of possible portmanteaus and apocalyptic visions.**

 **  
>Devata: Troll Nohnsi.   
**

**\-- terminallyGodbodied [TG] began trolling gluttonousTarantula [GT] at 18:04 --**

 **  
TG: 1--> hey so what kind of bitter recriminations have been heaped on your all too deserving shoulders today   
GT: nothing yet, actually.  
GT: i am kiiiiiiiind of disappointed, i thought you fuckheads were going to really go all out and troll me for once! 8ut noooooooo, you have cluck8easted out once more like little thum8less unpup8ted gru8s. ::::)   
TG: 1--> god brer  
TG: 1--> have a little fucking patience why dont you  
TG: 1--> the nights only just begun and already youre propelling the solid contents of your load gaper toward the uncaring cumulus because you havent been made to curse the day you were spawned  
TG: 1--> dont you get it man  
TG: 1--> thats the genius of my plan  
TG: 1--> youre so hopped up on you cracked expectations  
TG: 1--> that if i wanted i could just sit tight  
TG: 1--> and watch you squirm   
GT: not when i'm clouding you, you can't!!!!!!!!  
GT: oh  
GT: WH8T NOW, FUCKASS?  
GT: hehehehehehehehe   
TG: 1--> god so intimidating  
TG: 1--> careful with your girlish giggle there egbert  
TG: 1--> shits so menacing i might ruin these pants any minute now  
TG: 1--> and you know my fearbladder is so potent that the fumes alone will kill anything living in a three mile radius   
GT: hahahahaaaaaaaa!  
GT: good one, dev8ta. really hilarious.  
GT: if we didn't 8oth know you were such a weakslime mutant i could almost think you really 8elieved th8t!  
GT: ;::)   
**

  
**> Devata: Take a moment out of this tomfoolery to examine the eggs.**   


**On the floor, the eggs are splitting at the genetically engineered seams, dark but gleaming teeth and wings thrusting through pale membrane.**

 **  
TG: 1--> theyre hatching   
GT: mine too.  
GT: i'm pretty excited to play with you!  
GT: in a totally cooooooool and menacing way, i mean.  
GT: i'm pretty excited to make yours a f8te that lusus will whisper to their wards in light places someday, 8asically.  
GT: gird your vital st8ts!!!!!!!!   
TG: 1--> my juicy red semifictional bars are not just girt brer  
TG: 1--> they are locked up tighter than a virgin mother grubs combinatory pouches   
GT: ewwwwwwww.   
TG: 1--> armored in iron willpower and sealed with the infertile grubsauce of hilarious insincerity  
TG: 1--> insulated from the too pure air by an impenetrable miasma of diseased beats  
TG: 1--> these fuckers are so healthjammed they came out the other side to ill  
TG: 1--> had to be quarantined for the good of the whole  
TG: 1--> and aint no one getting through that mass of royal recovery rumpus drones   
GT: well we'd 8etter get this imperially-placed-tape cutting mission started, then!  
GT: it's o8vious i have a lot of 8lackmailing ahead of me if i want to get access to this for8idden sector.   
TG: 1--> yeah okay  
TG: 1--> lemme just check on jadwig   
GT: all right!  
GT: i'll just 8e here.  
GT: w8ting.  
GT: ::::)   
TG: 1--> in your unfathomably feminine parlor right  
TG: 1--> cool   
**

**\-- terminallyGodbodied [TG] ceased trolling gluttonousTarantula [GT] \--**

  
**> Devata: Check on Jadwig.**   


**Behind you, the flapstractions rise in formation. They're not quite real, and the sound of their gameconstrained flight is wild and strange. Limbs scissoring but never scraping: not solid enough to scrape.**

 **\-- terminallyGodbodied [TG] began trolling groomedGangster [GG] \--**

 **  
TG: 1--> jadwig?   
GG: hi devata are y0u ready t0 start?? :D   
TG: 1--> i was hatched ready  
TG: 1--> has lara started   
GG: n0pe!  
GG: in fact rh0d0s isnt sh0wing up at all for s0me reas0n  
GG: which is weird because she is usually pretty fucking punctual!!  
GG: her l0ss i guess  
GG: =:)   
TG: 1--> haha  
TG: 1--> okay well i guess id better get started  
TG: 1--> gotta take every advantage i can get against the mighty seawitch   
GG: thats right!   
TG: 1--> give her hell for me   
GG: you bet i will   
TG: 1--> cant bet with a girl who carries an omniscient white spheroid with her at all fucking times can i  
TG: 1--> cant bet against probabilities of one hundred plus   
GG: hehehehehe  
GG: you kn0w i cant use them!  
GG: d0c says maybe 0ne night  
GG: but s0meh0w i d0ubt it =:(   
TG: 1--> id listen to your doc man  
TG: 1--> i mean i get that hes not your real lusus but hes pretty fucking close  
TG: 1--> not to mention theres no way the dude would miss the opportunity to crush all your hopes like one of brers innumerable shitty eight balls if he knew you wouldnt  
TG: 1--> so actually if he said maybe youre pretty much guaranteed maximum ball usage someday   
GG: hehehehehe  
GG: maybe you are right!! i really h0pe s0  
GG: it w0uld be  
GG: s0000  
GG: c00000000l  
GG: =:D   
TG: 1--> yep  
TG: 1--> then our collective chill will douse the flames running down the length of even brer and laras hottest irons   
GG: hell fucking yes!!! =:)  
GG: lets g0 get d0using right this instant!   
TG: 1--> sounds like a scheme to me   
**

**\-- groomedGangster [GG] ceased trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] \--**

 **\-- gluttonousTarantula [GT] began trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] \--**

GT: noooooooow can we start?   
TG: 1--> bring it   
GT: oh, it is fucking 8ROUGHT. ::::)   


**\-- gluttonousTarantula [GT] ceased trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] in favor of CLOUDING THE LIVING SHIT out of him!!!!!!!! ::::D --**

  
**> ==>**   


**  
**

**You both then proceed to have what would be one of the best campaign-offs in the history of paradox space, were it not for the small detail of how it ends.**

  


  
**> ==>**   


  


  



End file.
